Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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