i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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