Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hippo gnu deer
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
