Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
