Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
