Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
