I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I deserve this hangover.
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