you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
