just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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