I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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