That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
