direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
