you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize