Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
