Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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