could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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