Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just invented taco cereal.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
