so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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