Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
