Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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