she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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