plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
