How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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