Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
