There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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