plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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