Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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