Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
