Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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