Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We have started to decorate penises.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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