I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize