lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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