are you still at the devil's house?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
