i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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