I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
