Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
