They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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