She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
