Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
