Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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