Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
