Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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