He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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