I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
