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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize