so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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