fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
