so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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