this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
