Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
