He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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