Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
