God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
