how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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