She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
