thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
