Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
