I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize