Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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