in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
