and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
