If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
