I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
