I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
