My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
