I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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