Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize