Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
