Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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