i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize