I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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