I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
