I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
