My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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