I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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