I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
