You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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