just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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