What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
