Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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