I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
