duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
