I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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