so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
