my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize