the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
