before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
