I wanna bring you to show and tell
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
