That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
