he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
True strength comes from lack of pants
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