Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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