If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
