I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Even my vagina gasped.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
