I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
