You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
